Yes, apparently that falls under the incidental or minor things that happen during the planning of a wedding. We have been so stressed lately that handling everything, getting it all done, and making sure everyone is happy that we’re losing sight of the event ourselves. Obviously some people get a pass- Mothers and Fathers are generally absolved from our stress- regardless of their ability to increase or decrease it. And that’s the way it should be. This day really isn’t all about us, but about the joining of two families. This is a very important day for our parents, who brought us up in such a way that we thought the other did such a damn fine job, we’d hang on to that person. And I’m really excited for the input, suggestions, and offerings of help.

There are two types of other people. Those who get in the way, and those who choose to be a billion miles away.

The wedding is a force that can’t be stopped, delayed, or helped, really. It’s a giant boulder rolling downhill. It starts slow, but is going its fastest right near the bottom. So if you’re going to help slow down the monolith, be there at the beginning. The other side? Those guys are far away, and only after the boulder hits do they show up and see the damage (or lack thereof). These people are generally ok by me. But sometimes they are supposed to be there helping with that fricken boulder. Especially once we realized that we can barely do this by ourselves.

What I have learned in the year plus that we’ve been planning this are two things: I have an amazing wife-to-be which, if she chose, could plan the hell out of anyone’s wedding. If she didn’t want to be a counselor, I’d say plan other people’s weddings- because people will pay you boatloads to do it, especially with all the stickies, calendar colorings, lists, and other cool stuff she makes.

The second thing I’ve learned is that this day is not important to everyone. Whether that be those who simply don’t plan on coming, don’t RSVP (this is like, a deadly sin, by the way) on time, or think of the wedding in terms of how it will affect them, they aren’t thinking about the wedding and what it really means. I suppose that’s normal. People who don’t go through a wedding don’t understand the complexity/enormity of it. Or maybe they do. Or maybe it’s a reminder of their own singleness, and they’d rather not think about it in such stark ways. I really have no idea, but the fact remains a lot of people are being as equally selfish as we ought to be. And it usually is such a small thing.

Take the RSVP above, once person forgets and it’s easy to deal with- no harm done. But when 1/3 of your invites send it in a day late, that adds up to a lot of stress and texts/emails to get to the bottom of it. Did you forget (that’s kind of an insult) or are you not coming (c’mon, send it back). And I’m assuming you all want chicken, though I should be nasty and write down “vegetarian entree”.

But this is all a part of the process. Part of the event, some sort of Zen test to see if we’ll make it. If we can get through the planning of a wedding, we can get through damn near anything. And it’s not like Stef and I don’t get cranky with one another every once and a while- we’re very different personalities when it comes to planning an event. She’s a “get it done” type of person, and I’m a “it will get done” kind of guy. Which works out for me, because that usually means she’ll do it, or give me a kick in the ass to get it done. I understand that now, so i’m fine with taking care of a few things, like putting the slideshow together (technically, she’ll choose the pictures), or find a projector, or call the florist when it needs getting done. It’s about finding a balance in how we both want to handle things, and handle them together.

I guess I should be thanking all of those people who made this ordeal tougher, because it really makes you understand and appreciate the other person going through it with you. I’m not going to thank you more than the people who are helping though, that’s ridiculous.

Today I saw it for the first time in a long time.

Gabe and Danielle got married today, and it was a great ceremony and reception. The music was great and the readings and prayer for the service were about as perfect as such a thing could be. What struck me about it all came near the end of the service, before “The kiss,” when we were to all silently take in one of the readings. Everyone on stage was fidgeting, uncomfortable with the silence. Some were swaying, others were darting their eyes to their friends or around the church.

But Gabe and Danielle, Mr. and Mrs. Hohrieter, were simply standing there looking at each other. It was one of those looks where a cracked smile said more than either of them could say verbally. Standing there holding hands, I felt like I was let in on some secret they have.

And it was incredible. Obviously I knew they cared about one another. They are perfect together, after all, but seeing that let me in on what a relationship can and should be like. I wrote on a not that I was jealous of them (in a joking tone) but the more and more I think of it, I am. Not a scornful jealous, but a happy for them feeling i’ve not really felt before. It’d be easy to be a tad bitter and scornful what with my recent relationship woes, but I can’t be. First of all being Danielle’s friend, but second of all I should hope we’re all as lucky as those two.

Congratulations D and Gabe, you guys have a long, exciting life ahead of you. And plenty of relatives to babysit free of charge.

I also went to the Phillies vs Dodgers game Friday night. I went with Jordan and his friends from The Shack, a Philadelphia sports bar with much love for all things Eagle, Phlyer, Phillie and 76er. The group is an eclectic bunch, from guys looking like Matisyahu and Scott Stapp, and girls on gluten free diets to those who can talk trash and moon other drivers. That being said, man they are a lot of fun. The game was going well until towards the end and alcohol had set in for the Dodger fans.

I swear I’ve never been pelted with more food items and beverages in my entire life than I was last night. After the Dodger fans went ahead and won the game, insults were thrown even further than the hotdogs with which these douchebags were armed. Now I didn’t really have a problem with it and partially expected it coming in. But they should have at least been men about it all. The girls in our troupe (said mooner and gluten-free femmes) were the target of most of the thrown items, and one guy, apparently, took a swing at one of the girls. I wish I had seen it, but unfortunately I wasn’t around at that point.

Imagine a grown man swinging at a girl over a baseball game. Stay classy, Los Angeles. And as much as I know it’s not indicative of all fans, it shows you that there are fans and people out there going Robert Deniro over this shit like they are playing in the actual game. My favorite is the asshole who’s talking shit from the left bleacher, only to run away when we saw him in the parking lot. The best way to describe it: The bleachers at Dodgers stadium are most like the internet; Anonymity plus opinion equals incredibly stupid behavior.

Making matters worse was the “security” in the park. They were too busy hassling a bunch of phillie fans for their tickets and ensuring they were sitting in the right spot instead of kicking out said douchebags hurling shit at us. Can’t remember the official who came and talked to us, but he looked like Squeak from Basketball. This guy was more interested in being our friend than actually fixing the problem, a quality I find loathsome in human beings.

I’m not perfect, but I’m not afraid to disappoint people once and a while either. There are about 4-6 girls in my past life you can confirm this with. But honestly, the expression “Don’t piss on my and tell me it’s raining” is apt here. Tell me you can’t do shit about it, don’t tell me “We can’t watch everyone,” because either way you’re failing at your job, but one way I don’t expect change. And pro-tip: If I get upset and swear, calling something “fucking ridiculous,” threatening to kick me out is a baller move. Apparently swearing is higher on the pantheon of crimes at dodger stadium than throwing a plate of nachos. At least put jalapeños on it, spice up my life.

The point of my rant is that I’m not even a Phillie fan. They are fun to watch, and i don’t mind cheering for them from time to time (but they still beat the brewers and we can’t have that happening). But I am even more of an anti-Los Angeles fan than I can describe, but I’ll try. LA Fans, go back to your freeway congested, smog filled, band-wagon jumping, waitering because you can’t act, more plastic than a matel factory, bottled water drinking, bad driving, over-populated, 7-dollar-beer selling, slicked-back or shaved head, blond or dyed blond, groupie gathering, twenty-dollar micro salad, paparazzi infested latrine that feels less and less like home than it does a pit stop on my journey through life.

Kind of wish I didn’t hit my 1000 word limit in anger, but I’ll take it. Gearing up for nanowrimo.

]]> http://www.mikegangl.com/2009/06/07/juxtaposed-emotions/feed/ 0 http://www.mikegangl.com/2009/05/23/family-matters/ http://www.mikegangl.com/2009/05/23/family-matters/#comments Sat, 23 May 2009 20:34:27 +0000 Mike http://www.mikegangl.com/?p=149 The past few weeks of my life have looked more like a beginners attempt at pogosticks than a finely tuned (german) automobile. Which is to say I’ve been goofing off and not taking much of anything seriously. As a kid I still have this luxury- no one depends on me aside from people at work and I’m fairly professional there. As professional as one can be wearing an ironic T-shirt, shorts, and shaving more times than socks I wear on a weekly basis. And I hate shaving.

My father, unfortunately, does not have that luxury. For 45 some odd years of his working life, he’s been in control of his future. He decided to work here or there, buy this or that, and take vacations to where and when he wanted. All that has changed, and it’s been a struggle for him.  Hell it’d be a struggle for anyone, but I think he’s taking it in stride very well- better than I believe I could.

But it’s hard watching the ones you love grow worried and think themselves into a corner. I wish I could say something to him to make it all better, to make him worry less. When I was applying to colleges early in my junior year of high school, he saw me slacking and, afraid I was throwing away my potential, took me aside and showed what could only be called tough love. And it worked, I got off my ass and got to school and did well from there on. My point is, I wish I could do something to have such a profound effect on the man’s life. He’s given me so much and I can’t give anything back except for a listening ear and what little wisdom I have in comparison to his.

Here’s hoping it’ll do the trick, and if not… at least take his mind off of things for a while.