Incite Full

Planning  a wedding is stressful, to say the least. It’s not so much there is a lot to do- there is, but it’s more that you’re asking two people who have really never planned anything before to plan a giant event. Not just a giant event for the two of you, but a crew of stakeholders that include sisters, mothers, fathers, close friends, used to be close friends, friends that will be close in the future, and probably some others that i’m leaving out right now.

It’s difficult because those two people in love that have never planned event, more likely than not, have completely different styles of getting things done. One being laid back usually helps, but can quickly be overwhelmed by the other’s “get it done” attitude.

As in any stressful situation, emotions will run high and situations will get the better of you from time to time, but just take a minute, a deep breath, and relax- everything will go on fine. Another thing to remember is that just because you think you are communicating an idea to someone, does not mean that they are receiving that information, no matter how visceral those ideas are to you.

Anyway, what I find most interesting about my life is how predictable parts of it are. Let me back up a bit. I grew up the youngest of four, and saw my oldest siblings get in trouble, make silly decisions, lie terribly to my parents, and any other sort of mistake you can make as a kid. I also saw them do incredible things and saw my parents take great pride and joy in the things they had done. I also had a ravenous appetite for sitcoms.

Nearly every sitcom, if it goes long enough, touches on the idea of men and women- one could say that’s the underlying basis for nearly every sitcom if you discount family oriented ones (Growing Pains, Family Ties, Family Matters- but even that one leaned towards steve/stephan/laura). Well, it turns out, men and women are quite different. While not always true, the rule of thumb is that women are generally more emotional in relationships while men are more logic oriented- even if that logic is flawed, you can still follow that train of thought.

Well it just so happens that the men in these shows are almost painfully unaware of their transgressions, while we, the audience, “know better” and understand the altercation is coming. You’d think this would train me for real life- but no. When things happen, I’m reminded of why I should have known what I did or said was wrong, and am actually dumbfounded, briefly, that I was caught unaware. I’m as oblivious as the lovable, idiot husband in nearly all these shows.

The only problem is, just because I’m oblivious doesn’t mean I’m in the wrong. Yet that’s been trained into my from the very beginning of humanity by these shows (and a lot of sibling actions). So by the time I realize “hey, wait a minute” the moment is gone. It’s like thinking of the best comeback immediately after the guy who just “punked” you walks away. Espirit de l’escalier is what the French call it, the Spirit of the Stairway- that fleeting thought or idea that you wish you had just moments ago. I feel like this happens to me incredibly often. And here I always thought I was quick and witty (#humblebrag).

I guess what i’m tring to say is that, hey, you’re going to have some ups and downs planning your wedding- get used to it because life is a series of ups and downs. Sometimes work will be going well but maybe you run into some troubles with family and relationships. Or maybe everything’s going wrong- we need to take the good with the bad an just keep on trucking.

This reminds me of my last thought of the day- Anger. Anger is like energy, it is always conserved. This comes into play a few ways, but i’ll describe two. Let’s say someone upsets you, and instead of confronting them, you just bottle it up and put it away, deep inside you, where jealousy and hate hang out. It’s not gone, it builds up and unleashes at some point. That’s a great example of the anger not going away, it’s simply building- you can’t hide it forever.

The second example comes from a co-worker. He said he used to get angry at drivers going too slow on the freeways, and then he said “screw it” and now zigs and zags and cuts people off to get wherever he’s going faster. Sure, he’s not angry anymore- but now instead of him getting upset, he’s displacing it amongst all of the other drivers on the road for brief periods of time. See how that works? There is no fundamental answer to any of these issues, just things i’ve been noticed over time.

Remember, vent early, vent often. And don’t cut people off while driving.

From an interview with Christian Bale:

So…outside of your roles, do you have a history of putting yourself in situations where you have to test yourself physically or even court danger?
Definitely. Though the one that stands out to me wasn’t physically demanding or dangerous. One of the places where we lived when I was growing up had this big wood out the back. And starting when I was about 8, I used to enjoy just walking alone through the wood late. Eleven p.m. Midnight. Later. Deep into the woods. It was terrifying. And I wasn’t allowed to look behind me, no matter what noises I heard. That was the point. That thing. The fear. To go into some deep place, a well of fear, that you’ve never been to before and that you didn’t know the way out of. Not looking behind, not turning around, just going deeper and deeper into those woods. I always enjoyed that.

That’s the word? Enjoy?
I learned something about myself, didn’t I?

What?
That I don’t want to be comforted. That I want to be able to face the hell I’m in.

So for that 8-year-old boy it was two things at once: I am afraid and that is unpleasant; at the same time, I am enjoying this.
But it was also I am staying. I am not running. There’s a beautiful epitaph on the gravestone of Melvin Purvis, the FBI agent I play in Public Enemies [the story of J. Edgar Hoover’s pursuit of John Dillinger, played by Johnny Depp, which will be released in July]. All that man went through, the gun battles, being a high-priority target of underworld figures… One time he was in Al Capone’s hotel room, meeting with him, and bullets started flying through the window, the two of them duckin’ down, firing back, looking at each other, and Capone says to him, “They after you, or they after me?” And neither knew. True story. So many situations like that the man went through. And on his gravestone it’s written—in Latin, so I had his son translate it for me—“I was often afraid, but I never ran.” Back in the day, he would admit to being scared. It was a bravery in and of itself just to admit that in that era. The papers called him Nervous Purvis. But that’s exactly what I was enjoying in those woods as a kid. I am afraid for my life, but I will not run and I will not look back. I will just go deeper. Until I come through.

I always feel that the title of a post should come at the end of the page when it comes to blogging. Unlike some bloggers, I have next to no idea what i’m going to write about when I begin. Hence the “and more” part of the title. I’m watching the premiere rerun of Top Chef, a show which I love more than certainly any reality show, and possibly any other show out there.

Unfortunately I had no idea it was starting, and feel a little jaded and disappointed that I missed the first episode. It’s the kind of thing that I make popcorn for. And now that the Cute southern girl is gone, I’m a little bit more sad. Still not sure who my picks are for the season, i’ll probably write that later.

Today Danielle and I planned our joint birthday party, and I’ve got to say I’m really excited. We’re going to have an all day festival with football, grilling, hot tubs, drinks, and everything else we feel like. I’m going to try and whip something tasty up- but i’m not sure what yet. I guess i’ve got about 2 weeks to figure that out. I’ve been cooking a lot recently, and maybe that’s because i bought my tupperware, or maybe it’s the relaxing nature of the art. I think i spoke of it being Zen like before, and I still feel this way.

The next thing i’m making is a creamy hot chocolate for Stef and myself (tonight) but i am going to try some Waldorf chicken legs tomorrow, and maybe some creamy citrus chicken this weekend. I saw the recipe on the le Creuset site, and i’ve been licking my chops ever since.

Finally, I don’t think i’ve written much about Obama being elected, and I still will not, but there are a few things I want to throw out there. With the coming of this new age, we are setting history. Let’s adopt the following rules as part of this history breaking process:

1. Sentences will never, ever be ended again by saying the word “Not”
2. Sublime will be played 50% less. Seriously guys, what’s up with Sublime? I’ll throw 311 into this boat as well. If I never hear Amber again it will be too soon.
3. Counting before songs in music. We get it- it’s raw and not over produced to do it. Or something like that. Just start the damn song, ok?
4. The BCS System. Let’s try something new, like a tournament.
5. Saw Sequels. One was good, they’ve got exponentially worse since.
6. Bush bumper stickers. I’m assuming this one is self explanatory, yet won’t come true. Ever.
7. References to Brown University.

I find it somewhat Ironic that i’m watching this show on a Friday night.

The show is as much about football as Happy Gilmore is about golf. And it’s what lets the script essentially write itself. Remember all those days in high school? Whether you were the jock or the popular kid, or the nerd or the shut in, this show remembers all those things for you, and then some.

The first time I watched the show was on my flight back from Europe- I finally gave it a chance after skipping over it numerous times on TV, either because I thought it was a cheesy knock off of a film, or had nothing that really interested me.

Nothing could be further from the truth. It’s the first show that I feel is 90210 for guys, or for anyone for that matter. Well acted and even better written, it tells the story of a high school football team from West Texas, but not so much about football as much as the affect football has on everyone in the town. Sure some parts a re a bit overdone, and the show takes a few episodes for the characters to fall into their roles, but when they fall, the dive head first and don’t come up for air until they’re bleeding blue and white Dillon Panthers.

The last thing I’ll say is that, at times, the show is emotionally wrenching. I feel like old school laundry being scraped against an emotional washing board. Other time’s you get a speach that inspires you, makes you wish you played football in school. And then tehre are the times you just want to throw a bottle of beer at the wall, a la Tim Riggins.

Seriously, just watch the show.

I’ll even link you to it…