Incite Full

While it’s true I am an open book- anything you want to know about me I’ll probably tell you- you still need to open the book and read. I’m not going to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I’m not going to cry or mope around when I’m sad. I’m not going to throw a vase at the wall when I’m angry. Apparently I will write, though. But I always do that.

I invited some friends out here last night for a small gathering. These were all friends I hadn’t seen in a while, from school or other, non-work related channels. To be sure, I sent some text messages out to remind people and asked when they were coming. The trouble wasn’t brewing when only one person responded, it was marinating.

What’s fucked up, though, is the fact that I had been talking to people about this for a while. People said they were coming. Good friends, or at least I thought. About 8 hours after the event I got a text message saying “hey what’s up ” from one of the people who was supposed to come. Fuck. That. Shit.

I had been, and still am, pretty upset about this, to be honest. I thought it was shitty of them to do this or simply not care enough to tell me what they were doing. It’s especially shitty when you show up to their party a week prior to hang out with them, because you have not seen them in a while.

Who knows, maybe I did something or said something stupid that night. But I doubt it. Or if I did, man up and tell me.

What’s most infuriating about it, however, is that I expected it to happen. What do you say when people don’t disappoint you by disappointing you? It’s happened before- whether it be dinner or just hanging out. Getting coffee or seeing a movie. Well, all I can say is that I’m done. I’m at the point in my life where i’m not going to try and make things work if there is no added value. There has to be a fucking return on investment in any relationship. I feel like this friendship, the one I’m thinking about most intently, is a bear market, and I’m selling.

And it makes me feel like shit to say and think these things. But i need to. And who knows, maybe you’re even reading this, to which I say, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry this isn’t funny, smart, clever, creative, sad, angry, or depressing enough. I’m sorry it’s not said in person, but lets be honest, that might take a while to set up. So here you go. Here we all go. This is my walk off home run of relationships. This is my encore of friendliness.

Good bye.

“A true friend stabs you in the front” Oscar Wilde

Once and a while i stumble upon a gem of a quote- something that isn’t famous, just something someone actually said. And this one is a keeper. No, not because it’s inspiring, or great, or evil- it’s jsut so easily contradicted.

the quote said was “If you’re amazing in the eyes of one person, well, that’s really all that matters.” Oh really? Because i think there is more to life than one person’s opinion. Well, that could be taken wrong. what if that one person is God? I guess I mean there is more than any one person’s opinion. Even God’s, although you’d probably want to listen to him a bit more than some others, like, the person who said the above quote.

Here are a list of easy contradictions:

Stalkers often think their victim is amazing. Does this make them feel better? Is that all that really matters?
Parents: If your children love you, is that all that really matters? Are you going to be the hip mom wearing velour and giving away drinks to get that love?
I’m sure Eve Braun thought her man was amazing. Do you agree?

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

I walk into the restroom at work and see, to my horror, a man using the toilet as a urinal. If that’s not enough, and i’m told it isn’t, he hasn’t put the seat up, and the door to the stall is swinging between open and half open. Honestly, man, what is going through your mind? All i can think of are the following scenarios:

1. This man loves the sound of piss hitting water. The same tactile feed back he gets from typing on his keyboard can only be matched by the reversed exponential graph of urine contacting the porcelain x-axis.

2. He is unaware of the urinals that are hidden just beyond the hedgerow of stalls. If this is true, god help us all, as we work with fucking idiots.

3. It is his goal in life (and probably second life, too) to sully the experiences of the many. There is no doubt that a certain amount of splash back occurs during his expulsion process. And by alternating toilets every 2-3 hours (I drink a lot of water) he destroys any chance of fellow bathroom patrons from having a clean experience.

4. He is just an idiot, socially unprepared to separate his troll/dungeon life from that of his work life.

And option 4, this is for whom I need to write a book. The book will help socially awkward individuals be not so weird. It won’t help them be cool, get ladies, or obtain wealth- that’s like running a 4.4-40 before you can walk, let alone run. We need to start somewhere, people, so baby step your ass to the urinal, and step away from my toilet.

I did not plan on writing a post today. I like to go maybe 1 or 2 days in between posts so that I have something substantive to talk about. Something that interests at least me, and hopefully others. Then I stumbled across what can only be an April Fool’s day joke, 21 days late. I give you, CNN Shirts:

Love CNN? Love the News? Well now, declare your love for all things unholy with CNN Shirts! wear your favorite headlines, along with a linkback/citation to CNN! Well, I sure hope that’s MLA format. Pictured here, we have the “Citizen tickets cop for $540″ couture shirt, but there are at least 3 others on the front page.

Which imbecile thought this was a great idea? Which manager sent it up, and which director thought this was a great idea? I mean, I understand that revenue is revenue, but I can’t actually believe these shirts are going to sell- maybe if it had a cool photo. or some other graphic, or something completely unrelated to CNN, but not this insipid and vile garbage.

I didn’t even know CNN had to build it’s brand up. Sure it’s not McDonald’s, but with stories like “Synchronized swimmers faint in unison” who needs advertising. Shit like that sells itself! I’m tired of being bombarded with this stuff. You can’t go anywhere or watch anything without having some terrible product tie in. I’m already at the site, stop trying to advertise it to me and the people I fucking walk around. I can’t watch an NFL game without being assaulted by the cavalcade of car, truck, and beer companies.

What’s next, books with advertisements in them? Oh hold on, that would make a fucking awesome CNN Shirt headline. “Young man ruins last good thing”

“you must hammer and forge yourself”

So if I thought last week was rollercoasting, then this week has been a God damned trip to the top of a mountain, only to have the most massive earthquake phase shift the thing I plummet back to the earth.  I gain my footing, only to trip over a branch. That’s probably as close to what has happened to me- but hey. I have my health, right?

Mammoth was simply amazing, I had a blast with Eisha and Stephan, and when Tommy and Matt finally showed up, we had some epic times. And Matt has the scars to prove it.

Monday sucked, stressful day at work and then a car accident… Tuesday was full of meetings, and then figuring out car shit, Wednesday was equally uneventful, minus the fact that Top Chef was on and I was reminded about how silly the female species is. Which is quite a lot, I might add.

We’ll see if today is better, and if I get my hands on some sourdough bread, you bet your ass it will be.

A bit more in depth,  I understand completely how not seeing a person for two weeks can cause you to ‘forget’ about said person, but what I don’t understand is keeping that information to ones self, or not giving things an honest chance. I’m not bitter- This is exactly the way I want things to happen- meet someone, see how it goes, and then move on or stay put. Simple, right? The problems come in when both people don’t see eye to eye, or unwilling to try to do that.

I’m as guilty of that last one as anyone.

Another thing that I, too, am guilty of is the “I’m just being honest” shield.  It’s good to be honest, yes. But it doesn’t mean the other person can’t have emotion about the situation. If you say something that makes me angry, and then follow up with the dubious “I’m just being honest,” does that somehow invalidate what I’m feeling? Lets try some examples:

person1:Hey we need to talk.
person2: Ok?
person1:You’re a little bitch.
person2:… wha..?
person1:I’m just being honest!

Obviously person 2 is over reacting, I mean, honesty is good right? Well yes it is, but that’s not the point, the point is some people get upset with what you say, regardless of the truth of the statement or not.  It seems so honest, but when it’s all one can say- that you’re being honest, it doesn’t give a lot of explanation.

And while we’re on the subject, yeah, friends don’t start out passionately, I’d have to say. They can- it happens, but not often. To compliment, I’ve got enough friends in my life that I don’t need to try and make new ones- I’ll still be open and receptive if it happens, but I’m not going to go out of my way. I’m just being honest.