Incite Full

Quotations are an interesting thing. Sometimes I’ll be feeling a thought about something; food, defeat, happiness- anything, and I can Google a listing of quotes that refer to this. It’s a really simply way of finding the exact words to describe a feeling that i’m having, or a thought too intricate for me to do justice in the time I have. After all, if someone has already said it best, “steal from them and go out strong.”

There are problems with this, however. And it’s not what you’re thinking. Let me back up, I don’t mean to be presumptuous.

I take an issue with the ability to take a feeling as complex as love or hate, throw it into google, and be satisfied with the result, although I often do this. There are a handful of quotes I can pick from memory, but they don’t often apply. I can’t quote Palahniuk’s rebel yell against consumerism if I’m not feeling that same emotion. The square peg doesn’t always fit.

No, the issue is these quotes have no meaning to me personally. They are filtered out of their original context and placed on a page because they share a word or two with other famous sayings. The problem with this, in my opinion, is that these lines are often the fuse on the powder keg. By this I mean there is a  motif or theme building up to these all-too-poetic, transcendent words. I feel these are sublime moments for the author, the white whale of their novel- the words aren’t right for weeks, months, or years and then, they fall onto the page and are nothing else but perfect.

Who am I to cheat an author out of his work? To disregard the rest of those novel thoughts and words without which the quotation wouldn’t be powerful, quotable. These authors didn’t have google or yahoo or whatever the new, flavor-of-the-day search engine is- they read everything, made notes in the margin, wrote letters to their friends recommending books. We have it too easy now- so easy to be lazy and allow others to do the work for us.

I’ve started to write down the quotes and things that move me, that make me step back from the page and think to myself about what I read. Those moments don’t come fast enough, which is good, but what is true about them is they conjure up a thought and emotion in me. Something that is mine. It was me that witnessed the creation of a thought, that inkling of wonder or serendipity. It’s as if we have thought all of these things before, but the words are  l’esprit d’escalier; the words find us only after we need them.

Enough of that.

Today ended the first season of softball in my competitive league. We definitely came in last palce, which is altogether fine. I’m not worried about it, and we ended up going out to celebrate, or at the very worst commiserate, our season long struggle. I had an absolutely terrible offensive day, which I guess is forgivable seeing as how we lost by 12- Not much I could have done to sway the tide.

Speaking of tide, I’m starting to get tired of some cliched analogies: ocean, road, and car metaphors. If there are things in the world that are mentally grating to me, those are them. For some reason I don’t need to hear you are drowning in anything, an inspirational moment is not like coming up for air, and Robert Frost and Yogi Berra can talk about forks in the road, but you probably should leave it to them.

Why isn’t life like a bicycle? In fact, I like it better. Think about it this way: A bicycle is clean, ehalthy, self-powered, self-started, complicated gears working together to make things easier. If something is off, the bike moves forward but more difficultly, if things are really bad, you’re stuck. Compare to a car: Needs fuel, protects those doing the driving from the elements and the world, forward and reverse with a large turning radius- this isn’t life it’s a condom. It’s protection, keeping you from whatever is out there.

Let’s all agree to move on from the car analogies then. Perfect.

Ok, so lately i’ve been reading a lot about our food system and how it works. Well, how it doesn’t work is probably a more apt phrase but I’ll get into that later. The thing is, I’m surrounded by several people that often talk about things such as factory farming, vegetarians, geneticly modified seeds, and the fact that chickens cannot turn around in their cages. Even with all of that around, I was able to tune it out.

I’m not sure how it really happened, but I’ve decided to make quite a change in my diet. I’ve decided to give up factory farmed foods as much as possibly. This will entail quoite a cutdown on my meat intake, which is probably for the best, but it doesn’t rule it out completely. I’m trying to plant/grow some of my own food and when that’s not possible, I’m going to purchase my food from farmer’s markets and other reputable, local and/or organic sellers.

I recently purchased a grass fed steak and cooked it like i would any other steak. While the meat was definitely leaner and the texture a bit different, the taste was absolutely amazing. I’ve heard that grain fed produce a more marbled piece of meat, and therefore more tender and juicy, but I could not have been happier with mine. Honestly, South Americans have been eating grass fed beef for their entire lives, and they clearly know what they are doing, so maybe it’s the American palate that is accustomed to our grain fed cows.

I’m not going to try and convince you (yet) to this until I’ve walked the walk, so to speak, for a while, but I assure you the day is coming.

I will convince you, however, to stop using the word “just.” I will of course allows it’s use in certain situations, like when talking about just anger, as I believe I have for a word in this case, or a play or novel where one wants to show a certain voice for a character, but in all actuality, the word brings absolutely nothing to the table. Think about it this way and the following few sentences.

I just ate an entire sandwich.
Don’t question me, just do it.
I just can’t do it, I’m too afraid.

Does the word bring you any closer to waht the person is saying? You just ate? does that mean 2 minutes ago? Half hour? An Hour? It’s as ambiguous as “I Ate,” which, by the way, I much prefer. The next two implicitly give a reason for soemthing. But what’s the reasoning? Do it, in all accounts, is a stronger more forceful sentence, isn’t it? I don’t udnerstand the use of this word, and the mere fact that it has “just” 10 definitions is a little mind boggling.

I won’t condemn others for using it. It’s not as hot of an issue as irregardless, or using “good” when you mean “well,” but I hope someday it will reach the same weight as those.

In other news, I’ve gone and purcahsed a slew of books. My current reading list includes:

Blindness
Dear American Airlines
Omnivore’s Dilemma
Pygmy
Gravity’s Rainbow
In Search of Lost Time
Freakonomics
Catcher in the Rye

That outta keep me busy.

By the way, you should probably read Blindness, as it’s an amazing book thus far, and one of the few works i’ve read where an author is fully able to redefine the rules of language to stress their point.

It’s hard to put into words what love actually is. Not hugs and kisses, but to describe the indescribable. To express exactly what it is to a person who would otherwise not know. In some respects, it’s easier to explain it to a child in terms of how they feel about their mother or father. But that’s the “easy” type of love, the kind of love that everyone has for someone, whether it be parent or friend.

Today I saw it for the first time in a long time.

Gabe and Danielle got married today, and it was a great ceremony and reception. The music was great and the readings and prayer for the service were about as perfect as such a thing could be. What struck me about it all came near the end of the service, before “The kiss,” when we were to all silently take in one of the readings. Everyone on stage was fidgeting, uncomfortable with the silence. Some were swaying, others were darting their eyes to their friends or around the church.

But Gabe and Danielle, Mr. and Mrs. Hohrieter, were simply standing there looking at each other. It was one of those looks where a cracked smile said more than either of them could say verbally. Standing there holding hands, I felt like I was let in on some secret they have.

And it was incredible. Obviously I knew they cared about one another. They are perfect together, after all, but seeing that let me in on what a relationship can and should be like. I wrote on a not that I was jealous of them (in a joking tone) but the more and more I think of it, I am. Not a scornful jealous, but a happy for them feeling i’ve not really felt before. It’d be easy to be a tad bitter and scornful what with my recent relationship woes, but I can’t be. First of all being Danielle’s friend, but second of all I should hope we’re all as lucky as those two.

Congratulations D and Gabe, you guys have a long, exciting life ahead of you. And plenty of relatives to babysit free of charge.

I also went to the Phillies vs Dodgers game Friday night. I went with Jordan and his friends from The Shack, a Philadelphia sports bar with much love for all things Eagle, Phlyer, Phillie and 76er. The group is an eclectic bunch, from guys looking like Matisyahu and Scott Stapp, and girls on gluten free diets to those who can talk trash and moon other drivers. That being said, man they are a lot of fun. The game was going well until towards the end and alcohol had set in for the Dodger fans.

I swear I’ve never been pelted with more food items and beverages in my entire life than I was last night. After the Dodger fans went ahead and won the game, insults were thrown even further than the hotdogs with which these douchebags were armed. Now I didn’t really have a problem with it and partially expected it coming in. But they should have at least been men about it all. The girls in our troupe (said mooner and gluten-free femmes) were the target of most of the thrown items, and one guy, apparently, took a swing at one of the girls. I wish I had seen it, but unfortunately I wasn’t around at that point.

Imagine a grown man swinging at a girl over a baseball game. Stay classy, Los Angeles. And as much as I know it’s not indicative of all fans, it shows you that there are fans and people out there going Robert Deniro over this shit like they are playing in the actual game. My favorite is the asshole who’s talking shit from the left bleacher, only to run away when we saw him in the parking lot. The best way to describe it: The bleachers at Dodgers stadium are most like the internet; Anonymity plus opinion equals incredibly stupid behavior.

Making matters worse was the “security” in the park. They were too busy hassling a bunch of phillie fans for their tickets and ensuring they were sitting in the right spot instead of kicking out said douchebags hurling shit at us. Can’t remember the official who came and talked to us, but he looked like Squeak from Basketball. This guy was more interested in being our friend than actually fixing the problem, a quality I find loathsome in human beings.

I’m not perfect, but I’m not afraid to disappoint people once and a while either. There are about 4-6 girls in my past life you can confirm this with. But honestly, the expression “Don’t piss on my and tell me it’s raining” is apt here. Tell me you can’t do shit about it, don’t tell me “We can’t watch everyone,” because either way you’re failing at your job, but one way I don’t expect change. And pro-tip: If I get upset and swear, calling something “fucking ridiculous,” threatening to kick me out is a baller move. Apparently swearing is higher on the pantheon of crimes at dodger stadium than throwing a plate of nachos. At least put jalapeños on it, spice up my life.

The point of my rant is that I’m not even a Phillie fan. They are fun to watch, and i don’t mind cheering for them from time to time (but they still beat the brewers and we can’t have that happening). But I am even more of an anti-Los Angeles fan than I can describe, but I’ll try. LA Fans, go back to your freeway congested, smog filled, band-wagon jumping, waitering because you can’t act, more plastic than a matel factory, bottled water drinking, bad driving, over-populated, 7-dollar-beer selling, slicked-back or shaved head, blond or dyed blond, groupie gathering, twenty-dollar micro salad, paparazzi infested latrine that feels less and less like home than it does a pit stop on my journey through life.

Kind of wish I didn’t hit my 1000 word limit in anger, but I’ll take it. Gearing up for nanowrimo.

Now, I’m not going to take issues with most of the easy fodder here. Lord knows enough people are going address the irony: the party of “family values” can’t keep the daughter “under control”, or whatever. They are making keeping the child, which aligns well with a pro-life stance.

My issues, while they exist, are not the point of this post. The daughter has decided to marry the father of this child, and I can only assume that there is some familial pressure. Alaska requires parental (or guardian approval) for a marriage of any minor to occur. This is a sensible law, although why in this day and age people get married before they are 18 (military, withstanding) is foreign to me. So the daughter will mary and the child will be raised with the full love and support of both kid’s families.

My issue is this: Is this really best for the daughter or the child? Honestly, isn’t this the wrong idea? Having your child wed at 17, when she was unable to make the right decision once, is the best we can do? I’m not taking low shots, it’s just a fact, in my opinion. Teen pregnancy’s are tough, but they are not life ending. Being a single mother is tough, but is not life ending. But what about having the young marriage of two kids who I have to believe have a lot going for them? Is raising this child in the spotlight of political controversy and turmoil really best for the kid?

I feel sorry for everyone involved. This should be a non-issue to be honest, not because it’s a private matter, but because Palin has no business being the VP pick. She should remove herself from the nomination, not because she can hardly hold her family together (low blow, I apologize) but because she has no experience and undermines the only reasonable objection McCain has over Obama. She has been Governor of Alaska for 2 years, and has no international experience. Imagine her in a debate with Biden.

I’m not a fan of either party, as a whole, but this is the kind of decision making that we, as a country, need to get away from. Stupidity like this is only made that much better more expected because we’ve been dealing with it for about 8 years. And that’s not a shot at bush, that’s a shot at everyone.

Regardless of what happens, I feel bad for the daughter, child, and the soon-to-be husband. Give the baby up for adoption, and let the kids live their lives. There are worse things in the world than that, and it allows the child and daughter to go on with their respective futures. But maybe I’m wrong, maybe it is the kids who want the marriage and family. If so, I don’t know what to say. As a parent, I would not want to move forward with the marriage, which I’ve discussed already. Somewhere here there is bad parenting going on, somewhere here there was the chance to make this something better, and I feel that everyone missed out.

Amazingly, Palin supports abstinence only sexual education. What are the odds that this changes between now and November?

Sometimes I walk around and see something that jars me. Cake would call it a bowel shaking earthquake, but this was simply awe inspiring. I’m at the grocery store trying to decide which tortillas I would purchase, and that’s an adventure in itself. Do I need 10, or 20? Flour or corn? Reduced fat? Regular? Whole wheat? And then what size? Taco size? Burrito? WRAP?! Honestly, it needs to be a much simpler process to make a damn taco.

But I digress, sitting next to the tortillas was some beef jerky. I thought it was odd to place it there- especially this particular beef brand. It was, and I’m not sure how to say this, Jeff Foxworthy beef jerky. The man who knows ten ways from tuesday if you’re a redneck or not is now slapping his face on beef jerky.

As an aside, Jeff Foxworthy looks a bit like the Brauny man from the paper towels. The old one, not the new stud that they have selling, prostituting, their goods.

Jeff Foxworthy now sells dried, cured meet. Is he involved in the jerky making process? Is it his home recipe? I know you share my keen interest in this topic, so i did a bit of sleuthing for you. Monogram is the company that makes the jerky- which is located in Minnesota. A bit far from Redneck land, but I can let that go. Monogram wanted a notable face to sell it’s brand, and they believe Jeff is the one. Mission, which makes those delicious tortillas I was looking for, and those chips as well, partnered with Monogram to distribute the jerky product all over the country.

And that’s the story of Jeff Foxworthy’s salted meat. Can we call him a sellout now? I rarely throw a term like that around; I feel that people deserve their due especially after some hard work. Musicians get this label a lot, Chuck Palahniuk had this to say about being a sellout:

Why have I sold out? You think I’m supposed to grow old, beating some trite old protest drum that people don’t hear anymore? Please; protest is now just a backdrop for a Diesel clothing ad in a slick fashion magazine. My goal is to create a metaphor that changes our reality by charming people into considering their world in a different way. It’s time — for me, at least — to be clever and seduce people by entertaining them. I’ll never be heard if I’m always ranting and griping.

He has a very valid point in casting off his critics. But Jeff Foxworthy is no Palahniuk, and I’m sure he’s quite happy with that. If I were to define sellout, I would have an alternate definition which included slapping one’s likeness on a package with which you were not consulted for, invested in, or have anything to do with in any way, shape or form. It’s just mind boggling to think about this, honestly. I’m sure he eats jerky, at least I hope he does. If I’m wrong on this one, then the entire idea becomes even more preposterous.

Unfortunately, my plights on decency in marketing will most likely go unanswered. Lets be honest, with apologies to the late Vonnegut, me writing this entry is as effective as donning a full suit of armor to fight an ice cream sundae. At least you won’t be shocked, when looking for tortillas, to see this: