Incite Full

What an eventful weekend!

Friday I noticed something interesting about the gate that leads me into work. it’s one of thsoe gates that spins one way, and prevents people from getting in unless tehy use their badge as a key- very high tech stuff. But it’s been kind of a curmudgeon as of late, spinning with great resistance and laziness. Yet, last Friday and today, it has been a different story. Perhaps some WD-40 or something has been doused over the flames of rust and it is now free to follow it’s whimsical spirit. In Circles.

When searching to describe how this gate acts, it was difficult as most of my friends are east gaters, or as I like to call them “late”. I likened it to the spinning of a dreidel, but had no idea how to spell the word. Even as I type it now, there is a little red line underneath it, making me very suspicious indeed. Anyways, I found an article online and was reading it and I discovered something: the driedel game is a really lame game. No offense, but I recall making these in school and could put anything on the sides- I feel I owe it to kids everywhere to reinvent the game. In fact, much like a top, most of the joy of the ‘game’ is derived from seeing something spin as long as possible. Not from getting half of a pot of beans, or whatever the kids play with these days.

probably crack.

Speaking of Tops, I kept referring to a restaurant as “Tops” all weekend long, when obviously I meant  The Hat, a world famous pastrami place. On an aside, i think the word “world famous” is a bit deceiving, because anyone can use it. I can say my crotch is world famous, but that doesn’t make it so.

At all.

Back to Tops, I mean, the Hat. You can see whereI’d go wrong, hopefully. Top is a kind of hat, and indeed is the location on which a hat rests. regardless, The Hat makes a damn good pastrami sandwich , which (haha) I did not order. But I did get to try some, and can’t wait to go back. unfortunately I’ve taken a vow of not eating out for about two weeks because I’ve seriously been reviving the US economy myself with how much I’ve spent the past few weeks.

This spending hiatus all starts today, I might add, as I bought a cast iron skillet, some spice jars, and 4 ramekins yesterday. Nothing I needed, just things I wanted. But once I had them, making a souffle (I will always pronounce this in my mind “soo-ful”) was no longer a desire, but a necessary endeavor which would save my life. Or at least that’s how I felt.

But one thing: beating eggs by hand is absolutely absurd. It was my fault the eggs were cold to start with, but Jesus how did people do this centuries ago?  It was so bad, and i was so tire, that I ran to target during the Oscars to buy a hand mixer. and even that took damn near forever. But I think it was worth it, my chocolate soofuls were damn tasty, and I have one here in my office, just waiting for lunch. Or earlier, if i don’t plan on sharing.

What?

Aside from the food and tastiness (we also had sushi sunday. I love unagi, and I’m not referring to an ever present awareness, Ross), I also saw Vantagpoint, which wasn’t bad, but I also don’t recommend to anyone, as, if you do or have seen it, you see the same movie about eight times throughout the sitting. Funny story about the movie though, I was getting a refill on my coke zero (health FTW), and saw a guy with a large popcorn and large soda, alone. I nearly asked him if he was sitting alone for some strange reason, and quickly played through all the scenarios that would happen in my head and thought it better that I not 1) make him feel bad, or 2) give off the biggest gay vibe ever recorded in the Paseo theater complex’s History. I think not knowing this random stranger’s story is for the best.

Not that there is anything wrong with that (#2.)

Birthday’s are an interesting occasion, I neither dread nor particularly look forward to them. It is far from the “‘nother year” mentality that so many people say they have for the date, but it’s probably equidistant from the “holy shit it’s my birthday lets get drunk and scream it at the bar” that I see about three to four times per month. I am the equilateral triangle of indifference. I got a card from my mother and a few friends took me out on my actual ‘birfday’ so all-in-all it was a good time. I almost forgot to mention that my sister sent me a card with her family signing it all- including one of my nieces, who’s hand writing suggest young age or a seizure mid stroke. My brother even called to remind me that I owed him a birthday gift, and therefore, I assume, I will not be getting one from him.

Really, I love my family.

But seriously, none of this compares to what Grace has done.

My birthday had passed by about 9 days, and I was on pins and needles waiting for a few packages to arrive because they would, like a VD, change my life forever.
On my birthday, she received the unfortunate news that my packages would be delayed until the 10th. She was pretty sad about the whole ordeal, but I was not phased. Then she told me what it was- and I immediately wanted to cry, as it could not come soon enough. It got so bad I was demanding updates on package status basically every time we talked, which happens to be quite often.

Knowing what i was going to get wasn’t a bad thing at all- as it saved me a pair of underwear. Which probably would have made it through most of the day until i saw this:

I think we all know where this packaging comes from. But in case you don’t, it is basically the curator for the library of culinary magic. Upon ripping open the packaging (OK, i undid it very nicely so that i could reuse the paper in some horrid joke) I saw what I’ve probably wanted more than anything for 3 years…

But it’s not done yet! in fact, they felt so bad about being unable to deliver that “Knife Illustrated” cutting guide, they threw in a toaster! But not just any toaster,  a toaster so awesome that it should have a bunch of numbers and letters (preferably of the [ISXZ] variety) following it’s name. Let’s call it the Cuisinart ZX9000- because this thing could probably launch a rocket.

OK, as I work for NASA i can’t really say that, but you get my point.

So now i just look for excuses to cut stuff, and it’s even gotten so bad that I was watching television,  looked down, and realized i was holding the 8inch Chef’s Knife in my hand- a little scary. Pocyalmania.

Every once and a while I’ll be reading some article or emails on the web and need to stop and basically do a double take. Todays was the first such moment I’ve had in a while, but it was interesting none the less. I get an email from Amazon suggesting gift ideas. More curious than anything, i decided to check out the “Kitchen and Dining” ideas. What happens next tested my manhood.

Several categories are set up for one to choose from, indeed to narrow down the gifts that might apply. Imagine my surprise, and chagrin, when the most interesting link i saw was the “For her” category. I think it’s odd that the grill is still considered a man’s domain, while baking and any other type of skilled cooking (not that grilling is unskilled) is relegated to women. Perhaps you like this, you being women, with which I have such little contact that my mother is probably beginning to worry.

Who do i talk to about this? Should I write amazon a reverse sexism letter? Or is this just sexist? I don’t care- i am not, how i write, offended or anything. Just think we’ve come far enough that we could have avoided this whole thing. I mean, why not split it into baker, cook, and griller. Honestly, if you know enough about the person to know to buy them cooking wares, you probably know what they know, or at least want, to cook.

Anyways, my gift MIGHT be coming today, and you can bet your ass if it does I will be incredibly happy. Until then, though, I’ll just keep on keeping on.