Incite Full

A giant pet peeve of mine is people who argue on pure emotion. It’s not the emotion that bothers me, but the fact people get caught up in it. When that happens, a lot people will say anything to prove they are right. To them, being right is more important than being correct. I can understand that. Being right feels good. Being right is what a lot of people are paid to do. But it’s not the only thing.

Some people don’t just need to be right, they need others to be wrong.

When a person’s value doesn’t stem from their own deeds or ideas, there is a problem. When they knock other people down to build themselves up, that’s a problem. This can take many forms: making fun of disabled or overweight people, criticizing clothing choices, out of hand dismissal of other ideas, and more. But the one that causes me the most grief is the aforementioned powerful drive to be “right.”

What I see most wrong with it is that is devalues the idea of truth and facts. As I get older, I realize there are fewer truths in life. Quite the opposite, I see things that I always held close seem to fall apart. When I was a kid, the future was filled with flying cars, all jobs were fire fighters, police officers, doctors, lawyers and sports stars, and anyone in my class could do anything they wanted. A lot of those things fell apart, some quicker than others. Because of that, I feel we owe it to ourselves to find the truth whenever possible, to not accept anything less when it’s out there. That’s why I have a problem with this blinding drive to be right.

The idea of right is the one that doesn’t exist in a vacuum. The one that takes two people, ideas, or beliefs to exist. When that happens, we are more focused on the act of arguing itself, and turning it into a competition- the end goal isn’t ultimate discovery. The end goal is being right- no matter what it takes.

I suppose that is why anecdotal arguments are useless, a lot of the time. Nothing to prove, really- and how can you argue against them? Numbers, citations, expert opinion are valid, but “I heard…” isn’t really as effective. And that’s how experts become experts- they don’t simply parrot things they’ve heard (which is moderately better than making things up). Experts analyze and deduce, they formulate ideas and create thought experiments (or “real” ones) to test them and see if they are valid. But this rigor is not common to most people. In fact, quite the opposite, our culture of “you’re special” means we rarely tell our kids they are wrong. I know people who will not say “no” to their kids, I’ve read about people who sue McDonald’s because they make it hard to say no to their kids. If our kids don’t understand right and wrong, or that it’s OK to be wrong, then we’re creating more problems for them in the future.

Oh boy, I’m about to use an anecdote to further my point.

In high school, I had a few teachers who would ask questions and then call on students. This is standard. But when they gave answers, incredibly wrong ones at times, the teacher would give a tepid reaction. “Ehhhh, kind of.” This drove me nuts- most of the times these questions aren’t difficult- they didn’t require original thought, simply regurgitating information in the book or what’s written on the board.

To show a stark contrast, I had a math professor in college answer my question by proving, mathematically, that it made no sense. That was brutal. Of course no one in class laughed because they were all as lost as I was- the ones who would laugh didn’t came to that particular class because it was easy. Now this didn’t prove to me that being wrong was ok, but it was a lot better than my professor leading me to believe I was remotely close. I value his honesty in retrospect.

When I started to write this, I was confused and jaded by a type of person. I even went back, after the argument, and looked up the facts to prove them wrong- but that’s when I realized that proving that person wrong wouldn’t stop them from being who they are- it’s deeper than that. And it wouldn’t make me feel better either, in fact, I would probably feel worse by bringing it up to them. Now that I’ve written through my thoughts, I understand now that i’m not upset by this type of person. Sure, it’s irritating. But it’s more about something permeating our culture. Not academic rigor, but intellectual curiosity. Being wrong is OK as long as you learn from it.

I’m going to ruin your day right now. I Lied.

There is no secret to saving money, or becoming wealthy (whatever that word means, any more). Nearly every money saving tip can be categorized in one of three areas:

1. Need/Use less
2. Buy at the best price you can
3. Do it yourself

Not surprisingly, the best way  to save money is simply to spend less of it relative to how much you make. This isn’t rocket science. The first one, is need less. Don’t need a new phone (even if you can get one every 2 years). Don’t need new clothing. Obviously there are times when you need to get a pair of pants, or a shirt, but you don’t need a new one every week, month, or season. I own jeans that i’ve had for 3 years, and that’s not even that long. Don’t need certain food- when you go to the grocery store, don’t go in knowing you need “Cheetoes” or “Ruffles.” Go in knowing you want snacks. And then go about shopping for snacks that are the most economical.

This brings us to point two, when you need to, buy things at the best price. In the snack example above, pretzels might be on sale, or hey, maybe Ruffles are, too! It’s exciting when it works out that what you want and what’s on sale is the same price. Other areas to get better prices are on insurance (shop around), buying cars (wait for major holidays, or buy used) and housewares (buy quality, read reviews). There are a million of ways to save a buck if you’re into that, but the basis of it is that you just need to save money on something you would have bought at a higher price.

As an aside, it’s only a deal if it’s something you need. It might be a deal if it’s something you want, but i’ve seen so many people convince themselves they want something because of a sale. If you don’t need a new pair of shoes, don’t buy them simply because they are on sale. Whenever I point this out to people, I always get “It’s just shoes,” but “just shoes” and “just a few CDs” just becomes no left over money at the end of the Month.

Lastly, do it your self. I’m not talking of thousands of dollars renovations- only you can be the one qualified to tell yourself you can or can’t do that. I’m speaking about simple, every day things. Cooking your own meals, cleaning your own house, doing your own oil changes and tire rotations. All of these things are simple enough to do, and can save you a lot of money. I won’t fill this with qualifiers except one: I think it’s OK to spend money on services, and I do it too. Usually when my time is more valuable than learning/doing it myself.

The other side of this “building wealth” coin (forgive the pun) is just as important as getting there- defining wealth. Wealth in America has become synonymous with status. Wealthy people don’t drive Hondas, they don’t wear old clothing unless it’s “vintage,” and I quote that because I don’t think many people know what vintage means (hint: it’s not simply old). Wealthy people don’t drive to their vacation destinations, and they always enjoy the finest things in life.

Sure. Some wealthy people do that, but if that’s the definition of wealthy we’re using, then I think we’re all in trouble. And the ones that can have it will, and the ones that want it will use their credit cards to have it for a brief while.

No, wealth is a relative term, and that’s the problem. We are being constantly bombarded with advertising and television shows telling us how we should spend the money we (don’t?) have. Maybe it’s a 50 thousand dollar car, or a show where all the housewives get diamonds simply for having kids. And what do people who are diligent with their savings get? We’re boring cheapskates! We’re told to spend the money and live in the now! I agree with that, I want to enjoy my time during and after I work. Who would think otherwise?

But wealth is more than money, more than status. It’s living comfortably and being able to do what you want. Working or not working, simply because you choose. It’s being able to sit down and write a novel, take some photographs, or bake cookies all day if you want. It’s going boating or fishing or, hell, just sitting around watching movies all day.

What i’m trying to say is building wealth is a lot easier to do if you define what it means to you, and then make it happen. Don’t pay attention to advertisers or people you know telling you things. This does not mean limit your dreams or goals, just know that the grander they are, the longer i may take, or there more sacrifices there will be- perhaps both.

Planning  a wedding is stressful, to say the least. It’s not so much there is a lot to do- there is, but it’s more that you’re asking two people who have really never planned anything before to plan a giant event. Not just a giant event for the two of you, but a crew of stakeholders that include sisters, mothers, fathers, close friends, used to be close friends, friends that will be close in the future, and probably some others that i’m leaving out right now.

It’s difficult because those two people in love that have never planned event, more likely than not, have completely different styles of getting things done. One being laid back usually helps, but can quickly be overwhelmed by the other’s “get it done” attitude.

As in any stressful situation, emotions will run high and situations will get the better of you from time to time, but just take a minute, a deep breath, and relax- everything will go on fine. Another thing to remember is that just because you think you are communicating an idea to someone, does not mean that they are receiving that information, no matter how visceral those ideas are to you.

Anyway, what I find most interesting about my life is how predictable parts of it are. Let me back up a bit. I grew up the youngest of four, and saw my oldest siblings get in trouble, make silly decisions, lie terribly to my parents, and any other sort of mistake you can make as a kid. I also saw them do incredible things and saw my parents take great pride and joy in the things they had done. I also had a ravenous appetite for sitcoms.

Nearly every sitcom, if it goes long enough, touches on the idea of men and women- one could say that’s the underlying basis for nearly every sitcom if you discount family oriented ones (Growing Pains, Family Ties, Family Matters- but even that one leaned towards steve/stephan/laura). Well, it turns out, men and women are quite different. While not always true, the rule of thumb is that women are generally more emotional in relationships while men are more logic oriented- even if that logic is flawed, you can still follow that train of thought.

Well it just so happens that the men in these shows are almost painfully unaware of their transgressions, while we, the audience, “know better” and understand the altercation is coming. You’d think this would train me for real life- but no. When things happen, I’m reminded of why I should have known what I did or said was wrong, and am actually dumbfounded, briefly, that I was caught unaware. I’m as oblivious as the lovable, idiot husband in nearly all these shows.

The only problem is, just because I’m oblivious doesn’t mean I’m in the wrong. Yet that’s been trained into my from the very beginning of humanity by these shows (and a lot of sibling actions). So by the time I realize “hey, wait a minute” the moment is gone. It’s like thinking of the best comeback immediately after the guy who just “punked” you walks away. Espirit de l’escalier is what the French call it, the Spirit of the Stairway- that fleeting thought or idea that you wish you had just moments ago. I feel like this happens to me incredibly often. And here I always thought I was quick and witty (#humblebrag).

I guess what i’m tring to say is that, hey, you’re going to have some ups and downs planning your wedding- get used to it because life is a series of ups and downs. Sometimes work will be going well but maybe you run into some troubles with family and relationships. Or maybe everything’s going wrong- we need to take the good with the bad an just keep on trucking.

This reminds me of my last thought of the day- Anger. Anger is like energy, it is always conserved. This comes into play a few ways, but i’ll describe two. Let’s say someone upsets you, and instead of confronting them, you just bottle it up and put it away, deep inside you, where jealousy and hate hang out. It’s not gone, it builds up and unleashes at some point. That’s a great example of the anger not going away, it’s simply building- you can’t hide it forever.

The second example comes from a co-worker. He said he used to get angry at drivers going too slow on the freeways, and then he said “screw it” and now zigs and zags and cuts people off to get wherever he’s going faster. Sure, he’s not angry anymore- but now instead of him getting upset, he’s displacing it amongst all of the other drivers on the road for brief periods of time. See how that works? There is no fundamental answer to any of these issues, just things i’ve been noticed over time.

Remember, vent early, vent often. And don’t cut people off while driving.

I’m watching Tosh.0 right now, so if his post is a little… distracted that’s why.

This morning I was talking with some co-workers about things people used to do, say, 50 years ago, that today we just can’t comprehend. Some examples were really physical, like talking to an operator before making a call, or simply the party line in general. Others were more mental, like cold war era fears, or fear of banks running out of money (run on banks). That last one might actually be coming back, interestingly enough.

But then we were thinking, what do we do today, or how do we think now that will change in 50 or 100 years? And that’s a really interesting way of looking at the world, you also see a lot of bias coming through in where we think and want the world to go.

50 years from now, gays and lesbians will be able to get married and be afforded the same rights as any other couple in love. They will also have the same problems as married couples today, such as divorce and infidelity. It’s hard for me to imagine why this isn’t happening today- it’s similar to women’s suffrage and the civil rights movement of the 60s and 70s, only the segregation and homophobia isn’t written outside restaurants or creating separate water fountains.

50 years from now, our children will be dumbfounded that not every person had health care until… whenever it finally happens. We are one of the leading nations in the world in so many things, we have great universities, hundreds of Nobel prize winners, we are an insanely successful democracy, and yet, the wealth gap is ever increasing and we can’t guarantee care for all of our residents. Sure, people can walk into an emergency room, but we’d rather subsidize corn growth than preventative care. Don’t even get me started on obesity, corn syrup, and all that jazz.

50, maybe 100, years from now, we won’t have gasoline fueled cars. This one is pretty self explanatory, but we can’t sustain our oil addiction. And we’re not getting off of it because it’s the right thing to do or to save the environment, but because the oil won’t be around or will be ungodly expensive. Either way, it’s good to get off of it. My next car will probably be a hybrid or even n electric, depending on how advanced the technology gets.

In 50 years, paper books will be abnormal. They will still exist, but the majority of everything will be online. Maybe color e-ink or more iPad like devices floating through out the world. Most people will connect to the internet through their phones, and hand held media will reign supreme. This is not limited to books, digital media will supplant physical media for most everything. Even now how records are still sold, physical media will still exist, but it’ll be more of a “purist” obsession, than a philistine rejection.

In 50 years,I doubt we’ll have the physical phone book. Why we have them today is beyond me, static directories and the static advertising within them is unusable. We don’t want to guess what plumber or pizza place to order from, we want to be told what is good and what we should try and order from them. The only winner in the phone book advertising are the major chains.

I think cash will still exist in 50 years, but probably not after 100 years. There is a large difficulty in overcoming physical money, what to do with it, how to account for it, and there has to be some time line for getting rid of it- it won’t be a “money will expire in ‘X’ years.” I do see us moving to all digital currency, but the thought of the phone companies being charge of that with these upcoming near field transaction chips terrifies me. Who would you trust with this technology, and what sort of mechanisms will we carry around to facilitate them.

Some interesting ones I’ve seen around the net:

http://www.dailyblogged.com/41/things-that-wont-exist-in-the-future/ No landlines, kind of obvious to me, but worth repeating, especially if you want to freak out your grandma.

The mail. I’m really not sure about this one, especially at 50 years. Maybe 100- wedding invitations, important documents, passports (does that make the list?), and other physical items need to get from A to B at some point, mail seems to be the only real mechanism for doing this. I saw this on multiple, random message boards.

While I’m sure there are others, I think this is a good list to mull over, there are other things, sadly, that I wish wouldn’t exist in the future but I don’t think human nature can outrun things like famine and disease, poverty, racism, or other strong, emotional flashpoints.

Wow, did you see that game? The NCAA Men’s championship game, between Butler and UConn was hands down one of the worst games I’ve ever watched. Don’t get me wrong- the kids played their hearts out, and they put every ounce of effort into the game that they had. For UConn it was 2 heavy weight bouts that they won- one by knock out in the Big East tournament, and the other, a sloppy decision after 12 rounds in Butler.

Butler, on the other hand, did the unthinkable- back to back final runs for a mid major. If the game was played by hearts alone, Butler hands down wins this one going away. I’m not going to lie, with all the shadiness surrounding Connecticut, I was hoping for a Bulldog win. That has nothing to do with the kids playing for the Huskies, but it’s something I can’t forget- and Yes, I am a USC trojan. I don’t freak out when kids take money, or boosters slip a kid fifty bucks after a game, but coaches acting, lying, and just breaking just about every rule in the book is something I actively cheer against. See Ohio State.

The game, though, was really the culmination of an interesting year in NCAA Basketball, and a few years of the infamous “And One” rule. Players being forced to play a year in college before going pro might be exciting, but they are essentially mercenaries hired to win a championship. The past few years we’ve seen senior heavy teams, the likes of Butler and VCU make valiant charges into the late rounds of the tournament only to lose in heartbreaking fashion. Last year Butler had NBA Talent, this year- not so much. And we’re seeing a lot of this, good, solid teams without that wow player beating teams that don’t have the chemistry to compete in those pressure situations.

But don’t believe that upsets are good basketball- they may be exciting, but it’s only great basketball when some storybook ending or amazing play elevates the Cinderella to titanic heights, not when erratic shooting meets sloppy turnovers and a dozen charges. And the thing is, they almost has us fooled. We almost bought into the magical season of this tournament, and all the upsets and spectacles- the Mooreheads and the Rams.

Again, this is not about the players on the court, but the system that put them there. The system that hung them out to dry with fatigue and inexperience. It’s a shame that it happened on a night when everyone is watching. Bill Simmons was not terribly far off when he said that Women’s basketball caught up. Not sure I believe him, but I do believe the most explosive and dominant player in college basketball, wears number 24 for UConn.