Stupid Girl
So I was just now watching some television, and an interesting commercial came on. It was one of those Yellowbook commercials, set in the future, where a woman needs a tattoo removal service. She has the name “Mike” written on her lower back, but is marrying a Josh or something, it’s not really important.
So with my plentiful spare time, I started thinking about what kind of guy would marry the kind of girl who gets a guys name tramp stamped.
If you’re still with me, I’ve never been more proud of you.
First we have to consider “Mike” and the girl. Excuse me while I flow in and out of conversation. Yeah baby, you know what would be hot? A tattoo. But not just any tattoo, but my name. So when i’m laying the pipe I can see it and be all Yeah: That’s my mother ‘uckin name!
And the girl is totally down with this. Probably because she has no self esteem, or maybe she desperately wants to hold onto this monogoloid probably-a-cousin-catch that she’s got. Then, the relationship fizzles, who didn’t see that coming? He probably cheated on her or something.
She eventually puts together the broken pieces of her life and starts dating again. But she doesn’t get the tattoo removed. Perhaps for a while she only dated Mikes, or maybe a miles in there for good measure, because to a girl like that, it’s close enough. But she eventually leaves the circle jerk of mikes and moves on and she finds Joe or John or kevin or whatever the hell this guy’s name is.
This asshole doesn’t mind another guy’s name on his future wife? He was probably attracted to it at first- who isn’t? But then he decided that it was more than just liking a girl or hate-me sex. He found The One. My feelings about marriage aside, she chooses the dress that shows off her tattoo and then, only days before the wedding (creative license, there) she decides to get the tattoo removed. Genius idea, and probably the smartest one she has, or ever will, have. And maybe in the future there won’t be some ugly bandage or gauze there to show off with that skanky wedding dress.
Aside: Firefox was trying to tell me I meant Swanky instead of skanky. That’s normally a good bet, I’d imagine, but skanky is all encompassingly a word. Which, to further the tangent, is also not a word.
So we’re back to this unknown bride, who also should not be wearing white. I mean, the kind of girl who gets a guys named stamped 5 inches above her ass probably is not saving herself for marriage. In fact, I would love to see the ratio of tattooed women who aren’t virgins to tattooed women who are. She should probably be wearing a black or brown dress.
Or maybe I’m reading into the 30 second commercial too much.
There was one time in Vegas, when I was with an ex-girlfriend, that I saw a bride in a white dress with black stripes or something on it (If i were gay I’d be able to describe it better). This girl was the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen. There is a good reason that she was getting married, you gotta lock that shit down. Most weddings or couples, by the numbers, are unattractive. So I’ve never seen a bride that was simply gorgeous.
Also, girls, and this is the same with prom, get all fancied up when they go to these big events. That’s fine, but know that the groom (stupid spelling on this word, by the way) or the date asked you when you looked normal. Don’t be surprised, if your hair has nine million twists and curls in it, that the guy is a bit taken back. Yeah, it still looks nice, but if flies die from the amount of product necessary to keep that “nappy ass weave” in place… Odds are it will also kill some of the romance.
That’s a lot of writing from a commercial.