Incite Full

So Steph and I have watched two movies in as many weeks where a person dies by getting their eyes stabbed out with thumbs. Anyone who knows me knows I love scary movies. I prefer zombie movies, to be sure, but i’m willing to go into other realms of terrifying horror, and this is what happened tonight. Steph and I, on a recommendation, watched The Descent.

Basically this boils down to a bunch of women who go caving, only to find themselves in a never-before-discovered cave with a bunch of used-to-be humans that now feast on the flesh of any living thing. To be honest, the only thing i Dind’t like about the film (forgiving the usual “horror film” stuff) was the lack of back story on the bad guys. Granted a zombie movie doesn’t add much back story on the zombies, but everyone knows they just want brains. braaaaaaains, even. Other than that, it was a nifty little flick. It did resort to “shock” horror at times, but only after building up a lot of suspense through old school methods. I’m never going to use the night vision mode on any camera again, that’s for sure.

This has got me thinking about Zombies though, and when I think about this, it gets intense. Fast. Ever wonder why you don’t see elderly zombies in films? Aside from being decidedly not as scary (I believe living old peopel are much creepier than undead old people), there is a simple explanation for all things zombie related. In this case, old people’s bones are too brittle to keep up with the active zombie lifestyle. Think of all the walking and stumbling they do. That’s a hip-flexor injury just waiting to happen for an elderly person.

I’m undecided if I think zombies should run or not. This would be the easiest way to explain away the dearth of elderly zombies. And i don’t have a problem with movies who allow their zombies to run, I’m just not sure if I’d do it. There is something about the masses being slowly unstoppable that is scary- like global warming. It’s when the zombies can drive trucks and fire guns that shit gets out of hand. Lastly, zombie movies should generally end with everyone dying. It’s really the only way things should work out in a world as fucked as one inhabited by zombies.

“Just then his little brother come in, holding the milk man’s hat and a bottle of gin, singin’:”