Incite Full

Before I start, I’d like to take a moment and curtly discuss Steph and My lives. Now, I’m not going to go into detail, but we are both very interesting and entertaining people. I wish there were more like us. Steph says she enjoys reading my blog or hearing my stories because they are always funny or messed up. Pure entertainment. The joy I derive from Steph’s stories are also due to these qualities, but as we discussed, it’s also in a “glad it’s not me” kind of way.

And apparently she’s always right when it comes to analyzing my station in life (it’s fucking impressive, that’s what it is). Ok, on to the post.

What in the world is it with women? I’m thinking aloud here, but I ran into a very interesting scenario last night. After getting my ass kicked in trivia at Barney’s last night, I decided to drown my sorrows in jack gingers. An absolutely delicious drink- especially when you only have to pay for half of them because you are deemed a “regular” at a bar.

A while back i would definitely take issue with that sentence. A regular? What are you a lush? Well, maybe I am. But i’ll tell you one thing, it pays to be friendly and cordial. Don’t go up and demand a drink- be polite, talk a bit, ask how their day is doing, and then go balls out and drink your shots.

But I digress. I had just closed out my tab, when this girl, who I’m pretty sure worked at hooters across the street, was talking to a friend of mine. I slid up next to him and noticed this girl was carrying around a plastic lunch box and I just had to comment on it. It was an orange, Super Mario Brother’s lunch box, and it reminded me of the metal spider man lunchbox I currently own, as well as the blue plastic, robocop (with matching thermos!) box I had as a kid.

After some talking we all realize that we wanted to play foosball- obviously these ladies had no idea what they were in for. I’m not a stranger to the foos(!) and anyone who knows me, knows this as well.

So we are playing, ad this girl’s shirt just starts to lower (it was already pretty fucking low to begin with) until, and I’m still reeling from this, her nipple is just… out there. And i’m not talking about half, or the areola, but bam- like a little eraser tip just saying “Hey what’s up,” just sticking out. Now maybe she was trying to distract me, maybe it was accidental, but all I can say is that it was a completely average nipple, and I went back to my domination.

She was certainly in no hurry to put it back. Maybe she didn’t realize- it’s not as if her entire breast had popped out. She was not about to feed her offspring, and I can definitely understand if she didn’t know- i mean, when I walk down the street, sometimes a testicle just pops out of my shorts and I don’t realize it until someone says something.

Perhaps I should have helped her out with that, but when the game finished, and we had won, she declared that the winners were to buy the losers drinks. I’m sorry, but we don’t know each other well enough to do that, and if you want to ho it up like that, go across the fucking street to menage. I’m not exactly turned on by “buy me free drinks.” Which, apparently, is the damsel in distress of the 21st century.

I am certainly no White Knight.

“Sales are the answered prayers of the Church of consumerism”

Aside from an insatiable craving for peanuts as of late, I’ve been in a rather pensive mood. Unfortunately, it’s pensiveness about nothing particular, which leads me into deep thoughts about nonsensical topics. While entertaining for you, I actually manage to convince myself of certain things that have no bearing on anything, but now I hold an unbudging opinion on them.

Take for example dishwasher loading. Aside from the fact that my roommate can’t, for the life of her, put Tupperware in the correct way (i open the drawers and I have buckets full of water), there is definitely an art to loading the dishwasher. It’s like practical tetris- things fit certain ways, and it doesn’t make sense with certain configurations.

Growing up, one of my biggest pet peeves (and still is) occurred when someone would load the small dishes to the sides of the silverware caddy. An interesting not, it’s called silverware, obviously because it was originally made of silver (go Ag!), but it was made of silver because it prevented bacteria growth or staved off disease. I can’t remember which exactly. Anyways, what the hell kind of configuration is that? We have limited room for large items in the washer, and you’re going to blatantly throw a small plate in there and fuck up the Feng Shui of my load? Ugh.

I’ve also turned my logic to facebook. The relationship status should have one of two features. One would be like the status, fill it in however you like. Mike is looking for “someone to treat his heart like a piñata” or Mike is looking for “the next ex-mrs.-gangl”. The possibilities are limitless, obviously. Another way would be to define what I don’t want. Mike is not looking for “a facebook stalker.” Mike is not looking for “a girl with an ugly Mom.”

This is why I should be on the FB development team- I know what the people want even before they do. Give it time.

“Heavy like a Tyson blow to the dome, backup son, gimme room, gimme room!”

And I’m back at work.

The past week and weekend was really long, and unfortunately I was unable to catch up on sleep. It’s always my goal to do this, but never works out. I’m resolved to do it this weekend though- and I’m putting all readers on notice: I am not doing a thing Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. I’m going to read, sit on my ass, watch movies, but nothing else. If you want to join me you can, but rest assured I will be going to bed early and sleeping in late. Except for maybe Saturday with farmer’s market goodness.

Last night I made a new dish- Asparagus risotto. Normally this is not noteworthy, except for the fact that I thought it was delicious, Steph said I should make it for a date, and then proceeded to lick the plate clean of the delicious goodness. It’s been entered into the recipe book that I keep, and will definitely make it again sometime. I also learned that dry vermouth is only 4 dollars from Trader Joe’s, which is awesome.

I’ve made a few purchases this past week that I should also comment on. I’ve finally made the leap into the wide world of denim with a pair of (ridiculously) expensive jeans. My new Rock and Republic jeans are fucking comfortable as hell. The obscenities are necessary to convey the amount of comfort these things bring me. I also like having these giant curved R’s on my ass when I walk down the street.

Aside from this I also purchased a wallet and a shirt. Buying a wallet is so counter intuitive to me. Spend money on a place to hold money. Like, a safe is one thing, but a wallet is just silly sometimes. I ended up getting a nifty little one on sale from Macy’s- it has a little removable part that holds my Id and a few cards, perfect for going out to the bars where money is simply not necessary.

I had a funny thought this weekend, about shopping in general. In order to shop at nicer stores, I feel you should look like you belong there. But when you’re moving up a level in dress, how does one achieve this? I suppose you could order online, but that’s always dangerous. Instead you just have to look like a schmuck that first time you go into these boutique stores.

I was at forever 21 yesterday, wearing a shirt from forever 21. This is the reason I thought about all of this. Now, don’t get me wrong, forever 21 is not a boutique store. I wasn’t even shopping. I was accompanying a girl to the bathroom. But I was wearing a shirt from that store while there. And I was thinking about how silly I actually felt. It’s like talking to a line chef about the burgers you make at home. They don’t care at all, but somehow you do.

Oh well, I got over it pretty quickly.

I really need this week to be better than last week. Last week was brutal for some reason, and i’ve been feeling rather anxious lately. Something I need to fix. I’ll look into it.

“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”

Well it’s been an interesting few days. I’ll start off by saying that the Celtics had better win tonight (or their next game, I suppose) or else I’m going to be getting a little bit antsy. After 2 softball games tuesday, I headed out to the bars with some friends to catch the last quarter or so of the game, and it was just an ugly slugfest. Only the slugs weren’t baskets, they were blatant fouls and flops- not exactly the historic and marquee matchup that the NBA wanted.

Regardless, I will watch. Speaking of watching, the Top Chef finale aired yesterday. If you don’t want to know, leave now-

Ok, so Top Chef finally has a female winner. And I shit you not I honestly thought Lisa was going to win it all. I felt dejected when Richard admitted he choked, and sick to my stomach (which was full of delicious pho) telling my roommate that Lisa was going to win- neither of us wanted to hear that. So imagine my decadent delight when Stephanie’s name was called. Oh Padma, that news coming from you makes it all the better. It was interesting to me, the initial challenge, which allowed the contestants to choose their sous chefs from a trio of culinary all-stars. I knew this season pretty well, and could predict exactly who would take what chef- obviously the show knew this as well, and went ahead with it. That’s cool.

Watching the individual courses was akin to tying my shoes with bloody fingers. It was messy, nerve-wracking, and often times painful. Oh Blaze- why dind’t you sear the shit out of that pork? You would have made me so much happier. Sigh.

Anyways, There is much more in my world than Top Chef. I’ve been working on a project at NASA for almost the entirety of my time here (no small feat as I have 10 different “projects”). Unfortunately earlier in the week we got confirmation that our funding has been cut. When I first heard of this, I felt like shit- it’s my favorite project to work on currently, and now no one will ever see it. But it’s gone now, and I’ll have to find some work to do (not hard) that I hopefully enjoy (a lot harder).

I’m saving my revelation for last, and I guess that’s now. I’ve been up to my balls in writing lately, between class and writing down all of those little things you think about during the day that you never remember. It’s fun, and after reading my ‘classmates’ samples, I am even more convinced that I can do this. But it’s hard to write something so… big, sometimes. And that’s where reading and learning comes in.

Think of famous works you’ve read. That author didn’t sit down and write that bitch out in a sitting. Hell, Atlas Shrugged took 7 years of writing for Ayn Rand to figure out. Granted it’s 1000+ pages (that’s less than half a page a day), but the idea still stands. Writing a great work, full of symbolism and imagery is a lot harder than it is made to seem.

In high school, we pull apart pieces to find the symbols the author used. We extrapolate meaning, and assign intention to it as if it were plain as day, black and white truth. This is not how books are written. Writers write down something, anything, and don’t stop. After a while, they read what they wrote, and get rid of most of it. Maybe a line in 6 sheets gives some direction to the author, who the hell knows- I’m not there yet. But anyways, they keep doing this, and subconsciously, themes start to emerge. Hopefully the author is quick enough to recognize this and start to use it, flesh it out, outline the important parts of the sketch he’s created, and allow us to see a glimpse of what his mind is trying to say. That’s all you can do.

It makes me feel a lot better about writing without knowing where I am going. All I need is the next 6 feet in front of me and I’ll get somewhere, I just have to trust myself to get there.

“Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.”