Incite Full

While it’s true I am an open book- anything you want to know about me I’ll probably tell you- you still need to open the book and read. I’m not going to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I’m not going to cry or mope around when I’m sad. I’m not going to throw a vase at the wall when I’m angry. Apparently I will write, though. But I always do that.

I invited some friends out here last night for a small gathering. These were all friends I hadn’t seen in a while, from school or other, non-work related channels. To be sure, I sent some text messages out to remind people and asked when they were coming. The trouble wasn’t brewing when only one person responded, it was marinating.

What’s fucked up, though, is the fact that I had been talking to people about this for a while. People said they were coming. Good friends, or at least I thought. About 8 hours after the event I got a text message saying “hey what’s up ” from one of the people who was supposed to come. Fuck. That. Shit.

I had been, and still am, pretty upset about this, to be honest. I thought it was shitty of them to do this or simply not care enough to tell me what they were doing. It’s especially shitty when you show up to their party a week prior to hang out with them, because you have not seen them in a while.

Who knows, maybe I did something or said something stupid that night. But I doubt it. Or if I did, man up and tell me.

What’s most infuriating about it, however, is that I expected it to happen. What do you say when people don’t disappoint you by disappointing you? It’s happened before- whether it be dinner or just hanging out. Getting coffee or seeing a movie. Well, all I can say is that I’m done. I’m at the point in my life where i’m not going to try and make things work if there is no added value. There has to be a fucking return on investment in any relationship. I feel like this friendship, the one I’m thinking about most intently, is a bear market, and I’m selling.

And it makes me feel like shit to say and think these things. But i need to. And who knows, maybe you’re even reading this, to which I say, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry this isn’t funny, smart, clever, creative, sad, angry, or depressing enough. I’m sorry it’s not said in person, but lets be honest, that might take a while to set up. So here you go. Here we all go. This is my walk off home run of relationships. This is my encore of friendliness.

Good bye.

“A true friend stabs you in the front” Oscar Wilde