Sleep Monster
The god damn cat will be the death of me. Did I leave the nature channel on at the house accidentally? Where is he learning to act more lion than kitten? This is Puss ‘n Boots without those cute eyes, if Lassie turned on Timmy, it’d be exactly like this. Oh goodness!
I wake up to pain, nowadays. The cat still claws my feet, eats my toes, and now has some weird obsession with my knees. Seriously, my knees? So I do my normal move- throwing the cat out of the room and closing the doors. Now, if you’ve never seen Jurassic Park, leave now. You were obviously never a child.
Robespierre, like the velociraptors in the original, has learned to open my goddamn door. He is now the most terrifying beast I’ve ever dealt with. Screw killer clowns from outer space, go to hell Jason Vorhees. I swear to god, after i learned this fact, I couldn’t sleep. I was just watching the door handle, slowly shifting. Then all of a sudden the door opens with all the cat’s weight. 3 seconds later the cat is nuzzling my face, cute right? No.
This is the calm before the storm. My toes are already curled, wrapped in the blanket in a cold sweating anxiety. The state is coming back to me as I type this. Oh man.
“Don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff”