Incite Full

I walk into the restroom at work and see, to my horror, a man using the toilet as a urinal. If that’s not enough, and i’m told it isn’t, he hasn’t put the seat up, and the door to the stall is swinging between open and half open. Honestly, man, what is going through your mind? All i can think of are the following scenarios:

1. This man loves the sound of piss hitting water. The same tactile feed back he gets from typing on his keyboard can only be matched by the reversed exponential graph of urine contacting the porcelain x-axis.

2. He is unaware of the urinals that are hidden just beyond the hedgerow of stalls. If this is true, god help us all, as we work with fucking idiots.

3. It is his goal in life (and probably second life, too) to sully the experiences of the many. There is no doubt that a certain amount of splash back occurs during his expulsion process. And by alternating toilets every 2-3 hours (I drink a lot of water) he destroys any chance of fellow bathroom patrons from having a clean experience.

4. He is just an idiot, socially unprepared to separate his troll/dungeon life from that of his work life.

And option 4, this is for whom I need to write a book. The book will help socially awkward individuals be not so weird. It won’t help them be cool, get ladies, or obtain wealth- that’s like running a 4.4-40 before you can walk, let alone run. We need to start somewhere, people, so baby step your ass to the urinal, and step away from my toilet.