Incite Full

Now that I’ve joined the real world, there are a few things that start to bug me, and simply don’t make sense. Take the month of February for instance. It has the fewest days of any month, clocking in at about 28.25 days on average, where as there are 30 and 31 month days for the rest. This gives the rest of the months about 30.64 days per month, on average.

What I want to know is, where is my ~7.5% rate cut for services I pay on a monthly fee? Surely their operating costs aren’t as high- such as salaries, power consumption, etc. The power and water companies are the only ones that this service is ideally built into, unless you have a pay as you go model cell phone. I guess we can chalk this up to convenience of the flat rate, ‘unlimited’ usage we get of things we pay the bills for, but i wonder just how much this is costing me.

Lets say i pay about $2000 on average for everything i pay a bill for. This includes rent, cable, phone, etc. The real value is not this high, i just want a round number. the 7.5% over a year is about 150 dollars. Not bad, 2 video games, or a few meals out and some pints at the pub. awesome.

Over the course of my lifetime, which I plan on living to 82, this is about $8700. about double the down payment on a car. SO am i really missing that much? Let’s find out.

I wouldn’t keep this money under a mattress, now would I? So lets say I put it in an index fund, generating 7% returns per year: after 50 years, I’ve got about $70,000 based on the beauty of compound interest. This is a god damn college education for some, a good down payment on a really expensive house, 2 cars (as opposed to two down payments) , or approixmately 70,000 double cheeseburgers from mcdonald’s. Do i even like double cheeseburgers? Yes, but i’d rather have 11,666 #6 meals from taco bell which is 11,666 hard shell tacos, 23332 baja gorditas: all in all about 729 pounds of baja sauce.

What I’m trying to say is, February is costing me a LOT of money.

And why? Because the Romans could figure out the calendar? It’s actually (I Think) because it was the last month added to the calendar, and it ‘worked out’ this way. lame.

This is just like being born in December, and missing out on my first Christmas which I still feel I should get presents for. Only in this case, I’d like $70,000 worth of presents, please.

I have automatic purchases of stock on the several days of the month, one being the 30th. How the hell is this done in February?!

What an eventful weekend!

Friday I noticed something interesting about the gate that leads me into work. it’s one of thsoe gates that spins one way, and prevents people from getting in unless tehy use their badge as a key- very high tech stuff. But it’s been kind of a curmudgeon as of late, spinning with great resistance and laziness. Yet, last Friday and today, it has been a different story. Perhaps some WD-40 or something has been doused over the flames of rust and it is now free to follow it’s whimsical spirit. In Circles.

When searching to describe how this gate acts, it was difficult as most of my friends are east gaters, or as I like to call them “late”. I likened it to the spinning of a dreidel, but had no idea how to spell the word. Even as I type it now, there is a little red line underneath it, making me very suspicious indeed. Anyways, I found an article online and was reading it and I discovered something: the driedel game is a really lame game. No offense, but I recall making these in school and could put anything on the sides- I feel I owe it to kids everywhere to reinvent the game. In fact, much like a top, most of the joy of the ‘game’ is derived from seeing something spin as long as possible. Not from getting half of a pot of beans, or whatever the kids play with these days.

probably crack.

Speaking of Tops, I kept referring to a restaurant as “Tops” all weekend long, when obviously I meant  The Hat, a world famous pastrami place. On an aside, i think the word “world famous” is a bit deceiving, because anyone can use it. I can say my crotch is world famous, but that doesn’t make it so.

At all.

Back to Tops, I mean, the Hat. You can see whereI’d go wrong, hopefully. Top is a kind of hat, and indeed is the location on which a hat rests. regardless, The Hat makes a damn good pastrami sandwich , which (haha) I did not order. But I did get to try some, and can’t wait to go back. unfortunately I’ve taken a vow of not eating out for about two weeks because I’ve seriously been reviving the US economy myself with how much I’ve spent the past few weeks.

This spending hiatus all starts today, I might add, as I bought a cast iron skillet, some spice jars, and 4 ramekins yesterday. Nothing I needed, just things I wanted. But once I had them, making a souffle (I will always pronounce this in my mind “soo-ful”) was no longer a desire, but a necessary endeavor which would save my life. Or at least that’s how I felt.

But one thing: beating eggs by hand is absolutely absurd. It was my fault the eggs were cold to start with, but Jesus how did people do this centuries ago?  It was so bad, and i was so tire, that I ran to target during the Oscars to buy a hand mixer. and even that took damn near forever. But I think it was worth it, my chocolate soofuls were damn tasty, and I have one here in my office, just waiting for lunch. Or earlier, if i don’t plan on sharing.

What?

Aside from the food and tastiness (we also had sushi sunday. I love unagi, and I’m not referring to an ever present awareness, Ross), I also saw Vantagpoint, which wasn’t bad, but I also don’t recommend to anyone, as, if you do or have seen it, you see the same movie about eight times throughout the sitting. Funny story about the movie though, I was getting a refill on my coke zero (health FTW), and saw a guy with a large popcorn and large soda, alone. I nearly asked him if he was sitting alone for some strange reason, and quickly played through all the scenarios that would happen in my head and thought it better that I not 1) make him feel bad, or 2) give off the biggest gay vibe ever recorded in the Paseo theater complex’s History. I think not knowing this random stranger’s story is for the best.

Not that there is anything wrong with that (#2.)

Going to the movies is always a treat. I’ve seen all of the Oscar nominated films for Best Picture this year, and they were all great in their own right. But the best part of going to the movies is the trailers, to be honest. So sporadic is a trailer for a movie awful that i can’t help but get a little giddy when the lights dim.

Even better than paying 10 bucks to a see a movie and trailers is HDnets “Nothing but Trailers” where i get all of the benefits and none of the draw backs.

It’s on right now, and let me tell you two things: Paul Rudd in a trailer makes me instantly want to see it, and Batman: The Dark Knight looks simply stunning.

I think my favorite aspect of trailers is the music, instantly setting a mood that envelopes me in the movie that i’ll have to wait about 6-10 months to see.

ABC news just said Marry Poppin’s Supercala-misspelled words go here. Backwards. What the hell is going on with Main stream media?

Anyone who has ever sent something via 1-800flowers (not linked for a reason) probably received an email sometime around, oh, today that made me scratch my head. Until it bled.

The title of this email is the same as this post: I’ll send a valentine when dogs grow wings.

I can only assume this is a marketing ploy to get me to send a dog with wing, probably a cute little furry stuffed animal. Let me check. Ok, I was wrong, it is actually referring to some pet mascot that is playing cupid this week on the site. That’s just fantastic.

Unfortunately, as many of us know, and if not stop reading now- I am probably using words too big for you – the expression is loosely taken from “When pigs fly.” I just need to know what the marketing conversation was like?

“Hey! Jim, how about ‘When dog’s grow wings’, because, you know, we’ve got a damn dog we need to use?”
“I’m not sure Larry, isn’t the expression ‘when pigs fly?’”
“Yeah, but… we’ve got to use this dog, i mean just LOOK at him”
“We’ll ask Sally, hey Sally?”
“PUPPPPPPPPYYYYYYY”

And that’s how decisions are made at 1-800 flowers.

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