Incite Full

Birthday’s are an interesting occasion, I neither dread nor particularly look forward to them. It is far from the “‘nother year” mentality that so many people say they have for the date, but it’s probably equidistant from the “holy shit it’s my birthday lets get drunk and scream it at the bar” that I see about three to four times per month. I am the equilateral triangle of indifference. I got a card from my mother and a few friends took me out on my actual ‘birfday’ so all-in-all it was a good time. I almost forgot to mention that my sister sent me a card with her family signing it all- including one of my nieces, who’s hand writing suggest young age or a seizure mid stroke. My brother even called to remind me that I owed him a birthday gift, and therefore, I assume, I will not be getting one from him.

Really, I love my family.

But seriously, none of this compares to what Grace has done.

My birthday had passed by about 9 days, and I was on pins and needles waiting for a few packages to arrive because they would, like a VD, change my life forever.
On my birthday, she received the unfortunate news that my packages would be delayed until the 10th. She was pretty sad about the whole ordeal, but I was not phased. Then she told me what it was- and I immediately wanted to cry, as it could not come soon enough. It got so bad I was demanding updates on package status basically every time we talked, which happens to be quite often.

Knowing what i was going to get wasn’t a bad thing at all- as it saved me a pair of underwear. Which probably would have made it through most of the day until i saw this:

I think we all know where this packaging comes from. But in case you don’t, it is basically the curator for the library of culinary magic. Upon ripping open the packaging (OK, i undid it very nicely so that i could reuse the paper in some horrid joke) I saw what I’ve probably wanted more than anything for 3 years…

But it’s not done yet! in fact, they felt so bad about being unable to deliver that “Knife Illustrated” cutting guide, they threw in a toaster! But not just any toaster,  a toaster so awesome that it should have a bunch of numbers and letters (preferably of the [ISXZ] variety) following it’s name. Let’s call it the Cuisinart ZX9000- because this thing could probably launch a rocket.

OK, as I work for NASA i can’t really say that, but you get my point.

So now i just look for excuses to cut stuff, and it’s even gotten so bad that I was watching television,  looked down, and realized i was holding the 8inch Chef’s Knife in my hand- a little scary. Pocyalmania.