Incite Full

So the playoffs started for fantasy football this past week. It ended for me this morning.

I can now go back to watching football the way most girls (not women?) live their lives – irrational, emotional, and full of anger at the smallest transgressions. Number one on my list of irrational hate? Tom Brady. Thanks for delivering 4 fantasy points in that game against the jets. I mean, you were averaging 26 points a game until that little dandy. Thanks a lot for that.

Four. You know the only good thing about that number? Brett Favre wears it. He is my personal saint, savior, and hero. Tom Brady is no Brett Favre.

When my leadingscorer is a kicker (Mason Crosy, 19 points) you know you’re in trouble. Willis McGahee, you too are on my shit list. The dolphions beat you. The dolphins haven’t beaten anyone all season. Yet they find a way to ‘shut you down’. Yeah, i don’t care if you rushed for 104 yards, where is my end-zone bitch? Get your ass in there, do a dance, don’t embarrass the former 2000 superbowl champs. Go get your pay day.

Lastly, I ate korean bbq on saturday. Hot Pot i guess is how it’s called, it was hot but there was certainly no pot. Of any kind. It was a grill and endless meat (that’s what she said), and me and my friends definitely ate the lion’s share of that, probably close to 12-15 pounds of meat total.

I didn’t eat again until sunday.

Birthday’s are an interesting occasion, I neither dread nor particularly look forward to them. It is far from the “‘nother year” mentality that so many people say they have for the date, but it’s probably equidistant from the “holy shit it’s my birthday lets get drunk and scream it at the bar” that I see about three to four times per month. I am the equilateral triangle of indifference. I got a card from my mother and a few friends took me out on my actual ‘birfday’ so all-in-all it was a good time. I almost forgot to mention that my sister sent me a card with her family signing it all- including one of my nieces, who’s hand writing suggest young age or a seizure mid stroke. My brother even called to remind me that I owed him a birthday gift, and therefore, I assume, I will not be getting one from him.

Really, I love my family.

But seriously, none of this compares to what Grace has done.

My birthday had passed by about 9 days, and I was on pins and needles waiting for a few packages to arrive because they would, like a VD, change my life forever.
On my birthday, she received the unfortunate news that my packages would be delayed until the 10th. She was pretty sad about the whole ordeal, but I was not phased. Then she told me what it was- and I immediately wanted to cry, as it could not come soon enough. It got so bad I was demanding updates on package status basically every time we talked, which happens to be quite often.

Knowing what i was going to get wasn’t a bad thing at all- as it saved me a pair of underwear. Which probably would have made it through most of the day until i saw this:

I think we all know where this packaging comes from. But in case you don’t, it is basically the curator for the library of culinary magic. Upon ripping open the packaging (OK, i undid it very nicely so that i could reuse the paper in some horrid joke) I saw what I’ve probably wanted more than anything for 3 years…

But it’s not done yet! in fact, they felt so bad about being unable to deliver that “Knife Illustrated” cutting guide, they threw in a toaster! But not just any toaster,  a toaster so awesome that it should have a bunch of numbers and letters (preferably of the [ISXZ] variety) following it’s name. Let’s call it the Cuisinart ZX9000- because this thing could probably launch a rocket.

OK, as I work for NASA i can’t really say that, but you get my point.

So now i just look for excuses to cut stuff, and it’s even gotten so bad that I was watching television,  looked down, and realized i was holding the 8inch Chef’s Knife in my hand- a little scary. Pocyalmania.

Every once and a while I’ll be reading some article or emails on the web and need to stop and basically do a double take. Todays was the first such moment I’ve had in a while, but it was interesting none the less. I get an email from Amazon suggesting gift ideas. More curious than anything, i decided to check out the “Kitchen and Dining” ideas. What happens next tested my manhood.

Several categories are set up for one to choose from, indeed to narrow down the gifts that might apply. Imagine my surprise, and chagrin, when the most interesting link i saw was the “For her” category. I think it’s odd that the grill is still considered a man’s domain, while baking and any other type of skilled cooking (not that grilling is unskilled) is relegated to women. Perhaps you like this, you being women, with which I have such little contact that my mother is probably beginning to worry.

Who do i talk to about this? Should I write amazon a reverse sexism letter? Or is this just sexist? I don’t care- i am not, how i write, offended or anything. Just think we’ve come far enough that we could have avoided this whole thing. I mean, why not split it into baker, cook, and griller. Honestly, if you know enough about the person to know to buy them cooking wares, you probably know what they know, or at least want, to cook.

Anyways, my gift MIGHT be coming today, and you can bet your ass if it does I will be incredibly happy. Until then, though, I’ll just keep on keeping on.

I haven’t written in a while, not for lack of want, but simply I’ve been too tired or lazy. Mostly because work and relationships have been going very well, and it’s sometimes hard to pull myself away from the real world. Which is a nice oddity in my life, after years, presumably, spent online devouring youtube and facebook movies and pictures until i was the master of my own social network.

I have a lot of pictures to put up here and a bunch of descriptions that i think will be fairly interesting. I baked a pie from scratch the other day, and have been excited about my upcoming birthday gift. Pictures will be taken.

I discovered a new site today, called foodpairing. It takes a scientific approach to food pairings and food substitutions. You might need to read a bit to figure out how the graphs work, and it’s a little different for pairings and substitutions, but it’s pretty intuitive once you understand just how it works.

Maybe it’s not intuitive at all, then.

In other news, i have a new ipod, and have been busy transferring all of my DVD’s to my computer so that i can put them on there. It’s nice to know when I’m at my next DMV trip, I’ll be able to watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

More to talk about later.