Displaced Anger
Isn’t it funny? Everything can be going fine, and then one or two things can happen to make you question everything? I’m not referring to the death of a child or a major world event, but just the smallest of small things. Pittance.
Lately I’ve been questioning a lot of things. Some things that I never questioned, and others simply because I feel the need to do so. Maybe they are all just catalyzed by the original nothings, or maybe they’ve just been there, waiting. Ambushing.
Take work for example. Most of the time I’m completely fine with everything I’m doing. I’d like to be doing more things, but I also realize that I should put in some time before expecting to have the latest and greatest. But just because 12 people in a small conference room tell me I should be excited by something, doesn’t mean that I am. Granted I want to do well, and I want to finish this project- it just seems like I could be doing more. At least others on the team have more… inspirational projects to work on. I have the one, to be honest.
Besides work, I want to be upset for several reasons, but can’t really find a focal point. Hence the title, displaced anger. People say things like “write it all down” or “hit a pillow” but I’m not sure if those really help. I’m currently trying one out. But it’d be so easy to get upset at something or someone that I really can’t be upset at, or blame something that they couldn’t foresee. I’m sure I’d feel a little better in the short term, but the effect might ripple into unknown places. Bridges burn real fast when you know how they are built.
And so I guess I just go on. Figuring it out, one God Damned blow at a time, until something gives. Me or it. Us or them. I just hope that normalcy returns, and I can complain about the things that don’t matter. The pittance.
So give me something to believe
Cause I am living just to breathe
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for
So give me something to believe